Can anyone answer that for me?

I'm in a weird mood. I'm sad. And I'm hurt. And it all feels so familiar. And that's why I moved on from it the first time. And somehow I managed to wind up in it again. I'm jealous and confused. And sometimes I question where I belong. But then I look at it logically and it's like "duh." I should be happy where I am. In the arms of a good man. A generally happy relationship One that I've been in for a year. So why do I do this? Says few words and I'm back to my high school depression? Can anyone answer that for me?

The Recap

Thanksgiving: was wonderful and delicious. And since I have around 20 to go to, I gained at least 5 extra pounds.

Christmas: was wonderful and entertaining. Also around 20 to go to.

Lately: has been wonderful. Loving life.

Stop This Train.

It's a John Mayer song.
And its how i'm feeling.

I don't feel free. To myself anyways.
Don't think I'm one of those people that take living in the U.S for granted. I definitely know I'm free.

But on a personal level, I don't. I feel weighed down. In a slump.
Not that I'm not happy. I make happiness where ever I go, or at least try.
But I need something. To go somewhere. It's in my bones.

I miss Colorado. I'm thinking about finding a place to apply there for the summer. Like a rafting agency. Or a hiking guide.
How fun?

Yes. I'm doing it now

Grateful and Disappointed

I'm grateful for college, but at the same time I feel like it's weighing me down. I mean. I'm about to finish my first semester and if I'm already saying this than whats my deal?

Here, I'll break it down:
-College=oppertunity. (in the long run.)
-Life=too short to be planning for the long run the whole time, because eventually "The Long Run" will have already passed and what will I have to look back on? Really? A few years of school, some 20 odd years of working every day to plan for retirement. But then what? I'm retired! Where will I have been or done in my prime? I'll have pissed it all away planning for the long run. Thats what.