Can anyone answer that for me?

I'm in a weird mood. I'm sad. And I'm hurt. And it all feels so familiar. And that's why I moved on from it the first time. And somehow I managed to wind up in it again. I'm jealous and confused. And sometimes I question where I belong. But then I look at it logically and it's like "duh." I should be happy where I am. In the arms of a good man. A generally happy relationship One that I've been in for a year. So why do I do this? Says few words and I'm back to my high school depression? Can anyone answer that for me?

The Recap

Thanksgiving: was wonderful and delicious. And since I have around 20 to go to, I gained at least 5 extra pounds.

Christmas: was wonderful and entertaining. Also around 20 to go to.

Lately: has been wonderful. Loving life.

Stop This Train.

It's a John Mayer song.
And its how i'm feeling.

I don't feel free. To myself anyways.
Don't think I'm one of those people that take living in the U.S for granted. I definitely know I'm free.

But on a personal level, I don't. I feel weighed down. In a slump.
Not that I'm not happy. I make happiness where ever I go, or at least try.
But I need something. To go somewhere. It's in my bones.

I miss Colorado. I'm thinking about finding a place to apply there for the summer. Like a rafting agency. Or a hiking guide.
How fun?

Yes. I'm doing it now

Grateful and Disappointed

I'm grateful for college, but at the same time I feel like it's weighing me down. I mean. I'm about to finish my first semester and if I'm already saying this than whats my deal?

Here, I'll break it down:
-College=oppertunity. (in the long run.)
-Life=too short to be planning for the long run the whole time, because eventually "The Long Run" will have already passed and what will I have to look back on? Really? A few years of school, some 20 odd years of working every day to plan for retirement. But then what? I'm retired! Where will I have been or done in my prime? I'll have pissed it all away planning for the long run. Thats what.

College Tips

Ill be starting a new blog soon for the fun of it. Maybe they'll help some poor soul in the future. Plan on seeing some sarcasm, but then again some real world pains. I feel like I'm living through it all already in one semester.

And saying

I'll love you forever. And that I'm sorry over and over.

Adventuring

Once again. With my wonderful boyfriend with a wild side who loves to be daring and go down unmarked back roads in Chaffee. We get lost, we get found, we hold hands the while time and I love every second of it. It'll be a year November 1. And it will be named one of the best years of my life. 💜